My ideal family would be a kind of a traditional family. For example my own family. My parents, my brother and me live together in our house, but the relationship between us is very difficult. I would like to have a family where the others just care as little as they need to and you enough space to live your own life.
Most people think of the traditional family. Then they hear the word “family”. They think of it because the traditional family is the best thing for a growing child to become an important member for the society. While the father is working to bring the on the table, the mother is working half days to bring enough money for the children so they can purchase anything they like. In my opinion this is a good type of family, because if the kids get everything they want they will have to work hard if they want to keep their lifestyle. But this can only work if the parents give their children much space and don’t watch them like they don’t know how to work with money.
In my opinion the best relationship within a family is when everybody loves each other equally but this doesn’t work. So the best option could be that one parent is giving his attention to one child and the other parent to the other child. I think this system is working for some families but not for all so there is another option. Each parent is giving each child the same treat. The parents should be interested in what the kids do but they should not ask and know everything that happens in the kids’ life.
In my opinion the importance of a working family in a society is undeniable. If families are not working it is very bad for society. Like a child whom is growing up in a family which is not working they have a slight tendency of slipping in the crime scene. So if the families are not working the majority of the youth is going to be a criminal and if that happens the society will collapse.
To sum up my ideal family would be a traditional family with not to much caring parents, a good relationship between the familymembers so they help each other out and the family have to work otherwise it’s going to ruin the society.
© Markus Lampert
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There is no appropriate introduction. In an opinion essay you should put forward your opinion on something and then in the main part your prove your opinion, you try to convince your reader that you are right. In the conclusion you restate your opinion. - I get the impression you often only describe but don't argue for this type of family. Arguing means you have to proof that you are right. Look at the first paragraph of the main part: The way you start it, there's nothing to prove. You don't start in a way that you can argue for or against it.
str: For example my own family, which means my parents, my brother and me live together in our house, [but the relationship between us is very difficult. --> this part doesn't fit as you move away from your topic].
exp: "I would like to have a family where the others just care as little as they need to and you enough space to live your own life." --> ... where all families only care as much as necessary for each other and each has enough space for living his own life.
exp: "Most people think of the traditional family. Then they hear the word “family”." --> ... family when they hear the word "family".
[C? ->They think of it because this is what we tend to see most often.]
exp: the best thing for a child growing up so he / she becomes an important / a valuable member of society
exp: to provide everything that is necessary for the family
exp: the mother works half-time to earn enough money so she can provide them with the luxuries they crave for.
exp: to keep up their lifestyle
exp: "how to work with money." C???
[I have to admit that what you say about the mother and how she's supposed to spend her money makes me laugh. It sounds ridiculous to me.]
exp: if all love each other equally
t: one parents gives all his undivided attention to one child ...
t: this system works for some family
exp: "Each parent is giving each child the same treat." C??? a treat = a special and enjoyable occasion or experience
exp: In my opinion it cannot be denied that a well-functioning family is crucial for society.
exp: "If families are not working it is very bad for society. Like a child whom is growing up in a family which is not working they have a slight tendency of slipping in the crime scene. So if the families are not working the majority of the youth is going to be a criminal and if that happens the society will collapse." --> Research has shown that children from malfunctioning families tend to slip into the crime scene. Therefore, if too many families don't function well, this will have a very detrimental effect on society.
str: with parents who don't care too much
g: the family has to function well ?
g: it's going to ruin society
You convey the impression that you wrote this down very quickly. It's very very weak with regard to the way how you express your thoughts. A lot of the sentences sound like literal (word by word) translations from German.
In addition, the way you go about this is not quite right either (see beginning of this comment.)
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